my project, may 2015
if I constantly put myself opposite some mountain, some grade or project, I develop a contentious relationship with it. once I soften, allow, and begin to understand how to make myself seamlessly connected, indiscernible from the rock or ice or whatever medium with which I work only then may I work with its energy and not fight it.

the ego loves to tell of its past accomplishments, to wait until it has completed something of arbitrary importance. 'look what I did!' says the undisciplined child. past tense is safe to speak about. it is the spirit speaking when the athlete describes a journey on which she is currently travelling. 

I am not a natural athlete and certainly not a natural rock climber. each uptick in grade equals a disproportionate (and expanding) amount of work on the stone and plastic. after five years with mountain running as my primary practice I put it aside this spring and dedicated myself to the rock. the ego shrieked as I let go of running, an aspect of alpinism at which I'd become proficient.

last week I began to dance with my project, began to understand its polish and listen to the way it wants my body to lean with each move. I asked how sticky it is, how steep, what texture each of its myriad colors denotes, trying to listen I slowly crept up the wall. I see how this too is about dignity, about releasing my self concept so that I may, again, allow forgetting my Self to free me.

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